The Weight of Gratitude and The Learning Curve

Starting my first job was truly an achievement. After the intense effort of studying in a new country, leaving away from family and navigating the challenging job market, landing a role felt like winning the lottery. There was a huge wave of gratitude toward my manager and the company for giving me this incredible opportunity, particularly as an international hire who needed sponsorship.

And though I am still grateful to them, over time I have realized that the gratitude sometimes gets morphed into a slightly panicked sense of debt. I used feel an intense need to prove that the company's faith in me was entirely justified, which, in the early days, meant saying "yes" to everything. This dedication often manifested at my desk. I'd log on fifteen minutes early, eager to start, and when a request came in late, my brain immediately jumped to, "This is my chance to shine! They invested in me, and I must demonstrate that I am the most dedicated, available asset they have."

Along came the very new concept of Paid Time Off.
The first time I requested a day off, I felt a knot of apprehension. Even though it was an earned benefit, the deeply ingrained habit of constantly working during my Master's made it feel like an imposition. When the approval landed in my slack, the relief was immense, followed by a lighthearted, momentary guilt.

My Inner Dialogue: "Wow, they truly trust me! I'm so grateful for this time off. Wait, should I at least check Slack once? Just in case?"

Now, I've learned to distinguish between true thankfulness and feeling perpetually indebted. While deep thankfulness is essential, that feeling of constant debt is unproductive. My manager hired me because my skills from my Master's degree were valuable. PTO is a recognition of that value. Learning to accept that I am a capable professional, not just a lucky recipient, has been the most positive and empowering step in embracing this new life.

Another critical lesson I have learned is about transforming my intense academic work ethic into a sustainable, professional work rhythm. This new routine requires strategic thinking and self-advocacy. I realized that my managers want me to succeed and that expressing my true workload isn't a complaint; it's a necessary step in effective project management.

This new routine is the glorified adulthood I aimed for. Yes, the path to getting this first job was incredibly tough, perhaps the hardest step after completing my Master's. But now that I am here, I must transition my mindset.

And to my fellow recent-grad employees, we really need to embrace the opportunity to grow. We need to learn how to ask for things (like better resources, clearer deadlines, and that much-needed day off), how to make sense of the corporate talk, and, most importantly, how to recognize our true professional potential rather than just operating out of an indebted panic.

Be profoundly thankful for the chance, but understand you are an equal partner in this professional contract. Your skills are valuable, and your well-being matters. You are here because you earned it.


Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go circle back and fetch another cup of chai. It's a core competency.